I had a dream

Hi guys

I guess by now many of you will be aware that Hubby and i took a trip to the US..we planned this in January and decided after consults with the vet and boarding facility that the break would be positive for Doc so went ahead and took our trip.

I want people to know that we had insurance and were planning on cancelling after the bad news with Forrest and that we had a long tough time deciding what was best..you can imagine that while it was to be a secret this trip (as it involved a fellow blogger and was planned between us both as a double blog surprise) it was even harder to deal with Forrest’s loss as we had guilt about flying out of the country at this time.

Doc as it turned out had a ball in boarding..played with other pups made friends and had a careful eye on him as staff were aware he was grieving ..they reported he did great!

We asked them to arrange some playdates with suitable pups..see Forrest and Doc never did really enjoy other dogs..as much as we all talk on our blogs about our dogs we often have pups that would not like each other..que sera sera..so it was a plan to see if we could get him sociable and it worked..a real positive out of a real negative..

So amidst the grief we had the  sudden realisation that we had neglected to get ourselves ready for travel..we had so much to do and no desire to do it..we still wondered whether we should just change our plans as we had insurance to cover it and could go later..but the reality is we felt like fleeing..sounds awful but the daily reminders were so bad that we felt like running and never coming back.

We had all Docs special meals to make up for 11 days as we cannot afford to veer from his diet with his EPI..we had him get a check up on his mental and physical well being prior to leaving.

He was given the A+  as being fine for boarding..so we cooked and packed and froze all his meals..i did not pack a bag until the night before..as excited as i was i was still very much missing my boy..no sniffing my butt at every turn..no being rude for his meals..and still crying myself to sleep most nights..

So i will discuss our holiday later..show my pictures etc but for now i have something i want to share.

This is for anyone who is mourning their precious fur babe…

One night in Georgia i had a rough night..could not sleep..no matter what i did..and when i looked last at the clock in the hotel room it read 4.19am

I realised at the same time i had not thought of Forrest that day..i felt awful..then i must have fallen asleep..

My dream:

I am in a giant carpark..no idea where..it was night but not too dark..

I remember it felt like a mild night and i could see streetlights ..and i was alone..not at all afraid but very much alone.

I started calling Forrest.. like i used too..

” FORREST..FOZZIE BEAR…BOO BOO COME ON FOZZIE ..”

Next thing Forrest comes running at me full pelt..i can hear him barking but it was softly..so softly almost as if he had lost his voice..

He knocks me down..and i land gently on the ground..even though it is concrete..and he starts licking my face all over..he is licking like there is no tomorrow..

Normally when he would lick me he would sometimes have a little nibble..not hard not violent but enough to make me move my face from him a bit..

But not this ..just licking all over so furiously licking ..his face had no white..none just like when he was younger..and his tail was wagging like crazy..

I was holding him (another thing he was not keen on cuddles at all) and he kept licking..

I told him i loved him so much and missed him so badly..i am teary just typing this as it was intense..i asked him if he was angry with us ,did we do the wrong thing by him , and he just kept licking my face and wagging his tail..all the talking i had with him was done without speaking out loud if that makes sense..

I held him tight and did not want the moment to end..i asked him ‘please stay so Dad can see you are ok Fozzie please’..then i woke up…

It was 6.20am and i had to feel my face because i was sure it would be wet from the kisses..i cried my eyes out..i knew..i just knew he was ok..deep in the part of you that doubts..deep in that part that says out loud i know they are ok but quietly does not believe it..

I wanted Phil to wake up..i wanted him to know..

When he did wake up we sat outside the hotel..both in tears..both feeling that combination of love and grief..

I wanted to share this with you all..

I am crying again..but it’s ok..my boy is safe he is happy he is pain free and young again..and who knows when he may visit me next….

 

DSC_0057

Hugs Fozziemum